Planning out a divorce - get help so you miss as little as possible

Planning out a divorce – get help so you miss as little as possible

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Any divorce, whether it be mutually agreed or a unilateral decision, can be complicated both logistically and emotionally. Denmark has the fifth highest divorce rate in Europe, making it a commonly experienced challenge. If you are heading for divorce, it’s important to be mindful of these challenges and plan out the road ahead so that you both get the best possible outcome out of this truly difficult situation. Couples therapy can help.

Any couple facing divorce could be wise to consider the following with a trained and experienced psychotherapist.

Couples counselling can help you to manage these issues in a way that minimizes conflict.

Mark Colclough, MA

The Logistics

As part of your divorce, you may need to consider a number of logistics, such as housing, childcare and finances. While family courts exist to assist in these matters, couples counselling can help you to manage these issues in a way that minimises conflict. You may even be able to avoid court altogether if you can use therapy to agree to matters privately.

Issues like childcare can be highly emotive, and require careful planning and discussion before an agreement is made. By sitting with an objective, neutral expert, you can talk through the hopes and fears surrounding any logistical issue, so that any legal matters are smoother (and cheaper).

The Emotions

Divorce is a loss. With loss, there are many feelings, and some of these quite contradictory and confusing. For example, you might feel an immense amount of sorrow about your relationship running its course, but you may also feel relief and elation about reaching this finishing line.

If your marriage has ended because of a specific incident, such as an affair, there may be very powerful, raw emotions that need to be acknowledged and dealt with in order to move forward. Similarly, if the divorce is a one-sided decision, there may be emotions like anger, disappointment and resentment within the party who wants to remain in the marriage.

There may also be complex emotions relating to culture and religion, both of which can profoundly influence the divorce experience.

Identifying emotions and regulating them in a healthy way can help you to heal during and after the divorce process, giving you and your partner the dignified and respectful parting you both deserve.

The Boundaries

What will life after divorce look like? Will you still communicate? If so, how? How will you manage the introduction of new partners to your children? Will you continue to share mutual friends and see each other’s families? To maintain good emotional health and avoid future conflict, it could be a good idea to establish these boundaries now. Couples therapy is an ideal space to explore these issues in a safe way.

If your marriage has ended because of a specific incident, such as an affair, there may be very powerful, raw emotions that need to be acknowledged and dealt with in order to move forward.

Mark Colclough, MA

Is Divorce Inevitable?

While you may sense your marriage is headed for divorce, in my experience, many couples manage to redirect this seemingly inevitable fate with the help of couples therapy. In some cases, the exploration of both partners’ feelings can open the relationship up to a more authentic connection. Many couples report that they enjoy a more intimate, truthful and connected marriage after therapy.

Conversely, in some cases, it is clear to all involved that divorce is the best possible course of action. Whichever outcome you decide on, I am here for you to ensure you move forward in a healthy, positive way.