Has covid-19 affected your relationships more than you know?
More than a quarter of people said their relationship became more challenging as
Contrary to common belief, arguments are not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, research has shown that couples who have regular arguments are more likely to stay together.
Conflict and subsequent resolution can bring us closer and aid an understanding of one another's boundaries. It is how we argue that changes its influence on the relationship.
Mark Colclough, MA
Let me demonstrate ways that the negative cycle starts, and suggest how to break a negative cycle of conflict. This transforms the cycle into a healthy, constructive form of communication.
Money is said to be one of the most common topics of contention within a relationship. Secret spending, a change in financial status or disagreement on how money is allocated, are all potential instigators for a row to begin.
Parents might disagree on how children should be raised or how to approach a challenging parenting situation. There may also be issues involving a step child or blended family unit. Whether or not to have more children can also cause tensions between couples.
Sometimes, one partner can feel neglected or dissatisfied with the amount of quality time being spent together as a couple. Frequency of date nights, sexual intimacy, holidays or time spent with friends can cause arguments.
When your relationship began, your future plans may have been aligned. But over time, people and circumstances can change. If you are no longer seeing eye to eye on what the future should look like, you could end up arguing.
If one of you has had an affair, or been deceitful or unfaithful in some way, this can cause tremendous rows and tensions – potentially for years. Healing from major impacting events is an important step in minimising these arguments and moving forward from them.
And there are, of course, many more. ‘Annoying’ habits, wider family problems, cultural differences, religious differences, and sexual disagreements are also very common topics for disagreement.
Like I said before, how you argue is important. I witness people’s argument styles frequently and have observed that most people fall into one of these categories:
For example:
Ben: I don’t think you should buy that expensive purse.
Amy: You always do this, you’re so tight with money, I can’t believe how mean, petty and controlling you are.
For example:
Ben: I don’t think you should buy that expensive purse.
Amy: I deserve it. I have been working hard. I never buy myself anything. I am right to want this purse.
When you attend couples therapy, you can learn to communicate with each other in an honest, nurturing way without an argument exploding.
Mark Colclough, MA
For example:
Ben: I don’t think you should buy that expensive purse.
Amy: I don’t want to talk about this. I’m going out.
Any of these argument styles can be harmful to a relationship and fuel a constant pattern of arguing. So, what can be done to change this?
Arguments arise because something is unresolved – whether that be with one another or within ourselves. Partners must identify the true cause of conflicts and align and work together to find a way forward.
When you attend couples therapy, you can learn to communicate with each other in an honest, nurturing way without an argument exploding. You can be supported in adapting your language to be less attacking / defensive / avoidant, and instead be more accountable and in ownership of your emotions. You can also make the space to properly hear your partner (and be heard) and benefit from a third ear in the room to help prevent misunderstandings.
At the end of it, you will have acquired skills that can transform future arguments from high-conflict and repetitive, to healthy and solution-orientated.
More than a quarter of people said their relationship became more challenging as
Our relationships are complicated and ever-shifting. Dynamics between couples (and extended family and
How often do you nag your partner? Do you ever have to request